my kitchen

thanksgiving scrapple: it has come to this

December 8, 2013
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You know how it goes… Thanksgiving ends and everyone takes home a to-go container of food. If you are the host you will still end up with enough food to feel an enormous sense of guilt, no matter how hard you try to push those ever-so sweet, sweet potatoes. The next day you reheat a few casserole dishes of stuff, “this is sooo good!,” you remind yourself out loud just to reaffirm that it really is so good. (Even though only the dogs are listening.)

Thanksgiving twosies ends and you consolidate the mass of “stuff” into one last dejected miss-mash of Thanksgivingness. By Thanksgiving thirdsies what was once deeply desirable is now… blech, no matter how hard you try and convince your inflated gut.

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And then I remembered a business trip I took to Philadelphia when I was in my 20’s. The hotel I stayed at had a typical room service door hanger check list for breakfast with the exception to one additional meat item I had never heard of before… sausage link, bacon, sausage patty, scrapple. Scrapple? I don’t know why, but… it kind of sounded delicious. I made my selections and hung my order on my door knob.

In the morning I awoke to a knock at the door and a beautifully presented tray of breakfast-goodness delivered to my bed.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? THIS IS HORRIBLE!!!!”

The only way for me to describe scrapple… think of a multi-animal slaughterhouse with zero FDA regulations. Imagine things like hay, dirt, peanut sweepings and random animal carcasses being combined into one fried up patty of disgustingness. This, ladies and gentlemen, is scrapple.

I present to you: Thanksgiving scrapple.

Maybe I had a few too many bloody mary’s. Maybe. But maybe, just maybe this is genius. Or completely insane. But there before me was a casserole dish of cranberries, potatoes, sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, green bean casserole… all mashed together in a refrigerated mass. “What if I made Thanksgiving scrapple?”

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And so… I scooped up thanksgiving thirdsies and formed patties, breaded them in gluten-free panko crumbs (gluten free shit sucks even in panko form) and fried them in a pan.

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The result? NEVER DO THIS. They were awful… but also soooo delicious… but so, so awfully delicious. Like scrapple.

I cannot be held responsible for any damages caused by the result of you trying this recipe.

Thanksgiving scrapple. Until next year…

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